Time management - Parenting is big business

In the last issue's article on The Changing Role of Women we identified that the role of a mum has changed significantly over recent years. We now are placing more expectations on ourselves then ever before, our lives have become increasingly multi faceted.

Time management has predominantly been viewed as a business tool used by high powered executives who need to juggle numerous tasks in order to achieve optimal efficiency. (Sound familiar?)

Lets look at it for a second. As modern mums we want to …
* Spend quality time with our children
* Keep an appealing home environment (which takes both time and money)
* Keep ourselves and our family healthy through good diet and exercise
* To contribute to the world as individuals either through career or community interests.

* Interact meaningfully with others (called a social life)
When you look at it like this utilizing time management skills begins to make good sense.

Have you ever felt like from the moment you got up in the morning to the moment you collapsed into bed at night, you were in a constant struggle with time? "Where did I put that school note?" "There's no milk for cereal”. Where did I put my keys?" On the way to work or to the grocery shop you think, "Whew! I just made it but not without a little screaming and yelling at the kids for good measure along the way.

This type of stress undermines the quality of our life and our sense of well-being. Time pressure can have powerful effects on the body. Our brains perceive deadlines, and interrupted schedules as a threat, and therefore calls up the "fight or flight" stress response in order to manage it. The incessant struggle to do more in less time also makes us more likely to respond through outburst of anger to anyone or anything that seems to be slowing us down (like the kids for instance). We struggle for the time to have real conversations and intimacy that help buffer stress and increase our resistance to disease. Our quality of sleep begins to be impacted, we respond to the increased stress by eating too much or too little or relying on junk food. We avoid exercise, light up a cigarette or turn to alcohol and caffeine to calm down. In the worst case scenario it may take a serious illness before we realise that time is our most precious asset.

So how do we jump off the merry-go-round? Firstly you need to discover what time means to you and then decide how you’re going to manage it order to achieve your optimum life.

So lets start by looking at what time means to you.
Einstein observed that time is relative. Because our experience of time is largely created in our brains, it's not surprising that the way we think about time determines the way we experience it. An example of this is waiting in line and feeling as if time is dragging vs. being on holidays and feeling as though time is flying? So the question this poses is how do we change our view on time in order to make time work for us rather than against us?

Trying to control time is half the problem. It’s the law of nature that the more pensive we become with something the tighter its hold seems to become. My favourite catch phrase at the moment is what you resist persists and what you accept fades away (made popular in The Secret). The fact is if we can relax our grip and stop seeing time as an enemy to be beaten into submission, time relaxes and will in turn relax its grip on you.

So ask yourself the question. How do you experience time? Do you see it as “Today I need to achieve_____.” Or alternatively, “In my life I need to achieve_______. Can you see how these two very different focuses will have two very different results? Then ask yourself the question, are you focusing on what really matters. Your brain has an inbuilt navigation system that looks to achieve what you focus on. So if you focus on the day to day tasks you will probably achieve them but perhaps at the expense of your broader desires. If you focus on what you want to achieve from the perspective of a lifetime rather than a day it immediately elevates some of the stress of perfecting today and also means you are more likely to ultimately achieve what you set out to do over a lifetime. The thing I love most about this outlook as a parent is that it enables me to enjoy my children without conquering the world in a day. If I don’t have the perfect house at the moment (which I don’t) it will come in time, but what I have for now is kids who feel comfortable in their home and will look fondly on their memories. When you start to look at time this way you will probably find that rather than squeezing more activities into your day, you'll end up cutting things out. This approach encourages you to continually evaluate what you're doing, and to ask the essential question: Am I doing what I really need to be doing to achieve a satisfying and productive life?

OK now we have perspective. We are thinking big rather then small. Now we need to “chunk it down” as Anthony Robins would say and look at what skills we can apply to achieve increased harmony in our day. I am going to be brief from here because I can hear all you busy mums saying hurry up I want the info but I don’t have the time to keep reading.

Prioritise.
Try to limit the things which unnecessarily complicate your life. Are you taking on too much? Is each of your children doing 5 different activities each? Are you trying to "keep up with the Jones'” by entertaining constantly or keeping your house spotless? Are you trying to achieve your dreams in a day by working 24/7? Doing these things are Ok as long as you still have time to sit down one on one with your kids and hear what is going on in their day. As long as you have time to sit down with your husband and watch a movie together or time to catch up with close friends and enjoy a good chat. Make sure that you priorities the things that are in line with your big picture goals. Spend one day taking notes every hour on what you are doing. (You can use an alarm if it helps to remind you each hour). Then add up the amount of time spent in various categories such as work, telephone calls, meetings, socialising, eating, cooking, shopping, commuting, errands, television, hobbies, exercise, reading, child care, etc. Any surprises? Do your time investments reflect your highest priorities and goals?

Stop trying to get to the next moment and live in the now.
I don’t know about you but when I am standing in the check out line waiting to be served I am thinking of the million other things I need to be doing. Running this website, there are so many times I am sitting with my kids thinking “oh but I need to be doing this.” In all our anticipation of what needs to be done we often forget to live in the present. We don’t stop to experience the wonder of “NOW” and when you really think about it “Now” is all their really is. You can not 'be in' the past or 'be in' the future you can only 'be in' the present. You can remember the past and look to the future but ultimately what you remember will only be what you experienced as ‘Now” at that moment in time.

When are you at your best?
Each of us has natural rhythms. Some people call themselves night owls others say they are early risers. Find your best time and plan to do all the important things then. Once you have established your best time of day, make an achievable list of what you need to do and tick it off as you go. Being realistic is the key here. Estimate the time you think things will take you and add about 25% because inevitably there will be interruptions. After that give yourself a break and take the time for the simpler things when you are not at your best.

Break Big Jobs into Small Steps
If you're putting something off because it seems overwhelming, break it down into manageable steps and take them one at a time. As I said before this is called “chunking down” You are more likely to achieve your desired outcome if you can alleviate the procrastination that is the normal result of feeling weighed down by the enormity of a task

Combine Tasks
Look at how you can kill two birds with one stone. A perfect example is exercising with a friend. Fitness goals (tick) Social goals (tick). Peel the veggies for dinner while sitting watching the news. Dinner ready (tick) staying in tune with current events (tick) and the list could go on.

Organize Your Space
We all know the saying un-clutter your house un-clutter your mind. Have a big clean up and see the difference it makes to how you feel.

Perfectionist tend to procrastinate
Most often, "good enough" is all that's required but many of us (me included) feel paralyzed by the fear of failure. You need to be compassionate toward your imperfections by using positive self-talk. "Even if I fail, I'll survive. Being imperfect allows for the feeling of growth and increased satisfaction. No one is perfect because if we were there would be nothing left to experience.

Ask for Help
As mothers we often try to be heroes and take on the world alone. Remember that when someone helps you out they usually feel good about it so is making someone feel good, bad? I think that as motherhood has evolved we have lost the knack of forming community support what goes around will come around and we can really help each other out. Not to mention experience the joy of our children forming close bonds with other significant people in their lives. Do we want to deprive them of that?

"You have to take the good with the bad"
It is very cliché’ to say "you have to take the good with the bad" but if you look at it practically it is so true. We need something to compare things to in order to know they exist. So in fact we need the opposite of what we wish to experience to show up in order to experience what we wish to happen. Once again cliché but if there was no dark would we even know what light was? This puts a totally different perspective on bad days. It means we can see them as the natural succession of enabling the good experiences to happen and in a funny sort of way we should actually welcome them because they are in fact ensuring that we can experience the exact opposite feeling or emotion.

I thought I would close this article with a wonderful quote by my husband's favourite music artist which I have written on my white board in my office. “The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time”. James Taylor

What I draw from this is that, it is really important to enjoy the now because it is really all there is. Life is just a succession of "Now's". Nothing in life is certain and it’s better to have no regrets.

Lee Spencer
May 8 Issue of Optimum Life E-Zine

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